Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
