he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
