My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
