I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
