shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
where am i from again
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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