I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's never too late to be topless.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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