What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
