my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
