Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
