you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
