the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
