she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
