the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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