I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
