I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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