White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Panties = found
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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