Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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