She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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