He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
