That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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