I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
