What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
