While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
