Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
