you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You left your phone here
Wait...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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