you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
