Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Even my vagina gasped.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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