so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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