Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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