I am puke
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
