Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
