So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
