He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
