god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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