Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
