I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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