I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
