Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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