no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
