she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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