I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
