We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
