He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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