false alarm. still invincible.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
