is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
