you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
