Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
