i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
