OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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