theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We need a shit load of segways right now
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
