and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
