You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
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