This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
