we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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