Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
