I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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