I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
