make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
