if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
