Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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