I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
