My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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