I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
